For Doug

What is the Definition of a Friend?

The other day, I searched online for the prefect quote to define what a friend is. Nothing could encompass in a quote the length, width and depth of what a friend is and truly, there may not be one succinct definition since friendship means many diverse things to many people.

So recently, I put this question to my friends on Facebook and wish to share their answers and add a few words of my own. Feel free to add your thoughts as well, they are more than welcome.

Crystal: Someone that is there for you no matter what. Someone that you can talk to about anything and they won't judge you or treat you differently. Someone like you with a big heart. :) Someone who shows you that there are thoughtful, caring, loving people in the world. And a true friend with love you no matter if you come from a low income background or high income.

Jaime: Someone who is there for you and vice versa and nothing changes with time, you can pick up right where you left off no matter how far away or how long its been. A friend actually cares for a proactively nurtures another, but not necessarily tries to solve eachothers problems, but will lend and ear...but can also be honest. Someone who doesnt like it when you refer to yourself as a shart. :( A true friend will tell you the truth even if it hurts the friendship if they feel the truth will infact be beneficial to you otherwise.

Melody: Dependability and unconditional empathy!

Sharon: I would say someone who is there when ever you need them to encourage you and love you no matter what. Someone you can deped on to always tell you the truth even if it isn't something you want to hear.

Jay: ‎"The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof." -- Richard Bach

Joe: A friend is someone you love and who loves you, someone you respect and who respects you, someone whom you trust and who trusts you. A friend is honest and makes you want to be honest, too. A friend is loyal.

Someone who is happy to spend time with you doing absolutely nothing at all; someone who doesn't mind driving you to do errands, who will get up at midnight just because you need them to help you, and who doesn’t have to talk to communicate with you. Someone who never talks bad about you behind your back.

Someone who not only doesn't care if you're boring, but doesn't even think about it; someone who forgives you no matter what you do, and someone who tries to help you even when they don't know how. Someone who tells you if you're being stupid, but who doesn't make you feel stupid.

Someone who would sacrifice their life and happiness for you. Someone who will come with you when you have to do boring things like watch bad recitals, go to stuffy parties, or wait in boring lobbies. You don't even think about who's talking or who's listening in a conversation with a friend.

Someone for whom you're willing to change your opinions. Someone you look forward to seeing and who looks forward to seeing you: someone you like so much, it doesn't matter if you share interests or traits. Someone you like so much, you start to like the things they like. Someone who always builds you up, and would never put you down.

A friend is a partner, not a leader or a follower.

Wendy: Someone who is there for you through the bad as well as the good.

Susie: If you look up friend in the dictionary, Stephanie & Susie's picture will be there with a caption that reads, "Sister Chicks". A friend is someone who'll be by your side through thick and thin or until some judge slaps a retraining order on the stalker.

Brenda: You.

Suzi: Someone who stays by your side thick and thin.

Andrea: Regardless of what others may say, YOU!

Chloe: A friend is someone who really listens and loves you from the inside out.

Trevor: A friend is a person with the same enemies as you.

Paul: A friend bail's you out of jail. A true friend is in the cell with you saying "let's do that again!".

I would agree with all of the above and add, a friend:

remains a friend even when things can be uncomfortable at times

would make a detour of hundreds of miles, simply to spend an evening with you

continues the relationship even when their husband doesn't want them to be with you

gives as much as they take from the relationship

communicates and nurtures the ties

will drive 16 hours, just to take you home from the hospital make time for each other laughs with you when you leave the rental car door open all day in a strange place after making a big production to make sure it's been locked

flies cross-country to be with you when you think you are going to die

teaches you how to get in-touch with your inner-bitch

supports the hardest decisions you will ever have to make, with strength, encouragement and resolve right alongside you

helps you in and then back out of the dumpster

insists you let her do something for you

lets you rail, at everything he believes in, and then pray with you

totally gets what you are talking about when she says she hopes the hole in the hairspray bottle still sprays the same way after a long time of not being used

can laugh and cry with you, at the same time

means what they say, does what they say, and doesn't lie by omission

There are friendships who's ties can be dropped and picked up again without interruption but most often friendship needs to be nourished to remain viable and it takes effort like any other relationship. True friends are those that value a relationship enough to do so and to me, nourishing includes all of the above.

For me, a friend is one who values/cares enough for you to nourish what you have to keep it growing. And that, as is evident from above, takes many forms.

Go. Be a friend. Find out what it takes. And what it means.

Need Comfort Food? Try Granola!

It's hearty, it's full of fiber, has some protein and PLENTY of flavor! Not to mention, while it is baking it fills your home with a delicious aroma. In addition to eating the granola with milk, it rocks parfait-style with vanilla yogurt and strawberries! Make sure to see the notes following the recipe and enjoy :-)


Granola a la Stephanie

7 cups old-fashioned oats
1 cup whole wheat flour
1 1/2 cups chopped pecans
1 cup flaked coconut
1 cup sunflower seeds
1 cup wheat germ
2 cups packed light brown sugar
3/4 cup vegetable oil
3/4 cup water
2 Tablespoons vanilla extract
1 teaspoon salt

In a large bowl, combine oats, flour, pecans, coconut, sunflower seeds, and wheat germ. In another bowl, mix brown sugar, oil, water, vanilla, and salt. Pour liquid mixture over the oat mixture and toss until dry ingredients are coated. Spray two 15" x 10" baking pans with non-stick spray and spread the granola in both pans.

Bake at 275 degrees Farenheit for 1 hour, stirring every 10 minutes. Bake until lightly toasted and no longer damp. Watch carefully at the hour mark, if you need to bake longer, so it doesn't get dark. Let cool and store in airtight containers.

******NOTES: Options include adding cinnamon and/or raisins, or omitting coconut/sunflower seeds/pecans. If you don't want it as sweet, cut back on the sugar to your taste. Substitute any goodies you wish! For east of stirring while in pans because they will be full, split between three pans if your oven can juggle them without blocking good heat.circulation.

It's That Time! Soup Time!

This is a bit of a twist on the traditional chicken soup and is very healthy but most of all TASTY! Always on the hunt for meals that are good for you and taste good, because of the health problems of my parents, I tried this and it was a direct hit. Make it and let me know what you and your family think.

Italian Chicken Soup

4 chicken breast halves (bone in), skinned
1 large onion, halved
1 large carrot, quartered
3 celery ribs with leaves, chopped
3 1/2 cups low-sodium chicken broth
2 cups water
2 teaspoons low-sodium chicken bouillon granules
2 bay leaves
1 can (14 1/2 oz) diced tomatoes, undrained
6 green onions, thinly sliced
1/2 cup chopped fresh parsley
1/4 cup ketchup
1 teaspoon dried rosemary, crushed
1/2 teaspoon dried basil
2 garlic cloves, minced
1/2 teaspoon pepper
2 cans (15 1/2 oz each) light red kidney beans
1/4 cup grated Romano cheese

In a 5 qt Dutch oven or large pot, combine the first eight ingredients; bring to a boil. Reduce heat; leaving cover ajar, simmer for 1 1/2 hours. Remove chicken; strain and reserve broth. Discard vegetables and bay leaves. When the chicken is cool enough to handle, remove bones; discard. Cut chicken into bite-size pieces; set aside. Return broth to pot; add tomatoes, onions, parsley, ketchup, rosemary, basil, garlic and pepper; bring to a boil. Reduce heat. Add beans, cheese and chicken; heat through.

Yield: 14 - 1 cup servings (3 1/2 quarts)

Calories: 125
Total fat: 1 gm
Calories from Fat: 8%
Saturated Fat: trace
Cholesterol: 12 mg
Carbohydrate: 19 gm
Protein: 11 gm

The Secret Ingredients Remain: The Same But Different

While a few things have changed with the German Christmas Cookies, such as when they are made, what they are topped with, and who makes them, some have not and that includes the secret ingredients. Christmas cookies, weihnachtsgeback, or more specifically the making of them, has been a tradition descending from the maternal side of my family encompassing now at least seven generations.

The farthest back we can trace this tradition, dates to the latter part of the 19th century and at a minimum, originated with my great-great grandmother who lived in Birnfeld, Germany. Her family owned a flour mill in a small rural town in the German countryside, a farming community where chickens, cows and families grew up together, a bucolic existence to be sure. Such charming, close-knit villages generally developed around mills and the services needed to sustain daily living. The abundance of flour gave rise to the creative formulation of recipes among the village women, one of which is my great-great grandmother’s recipe which endured through the previous 100 years or so in my family to this day.

Time passes.

My mother, who is the source of this information, was born in Heidelberg, Germany during World War II when everything needed for daily living was scarce. Food, clothing, money and housing. As a result, my great-grandmother, Maria Dorathea Firnschild-Meixner, lived with my mother and grandmother, essentially raising my mother, as my grandmother had to work to support the family. My grandfather was supposedly killed in the war, another story for another time. Christmases came and went. In spite of the war, somehow they found a way to make the Christmas cookies, regardless of the scarcity of food.

Tradition was, at that time, to make the cookies one to two weeks in advance of Christmas Eve, during the night when the children were asleep. A coal stove was employed for baking during my mother’s childhood and a brick oven during her great-great grandmother’s life. One batch was made and one batch only. The cookies were regarded as a treasure to be slowly savored. The cookies, I would say, resemble a shortbread style, not too sweet but delicate, their flavor improving with time as the Christmas event approached. They were topped with either a light, tangy, lemon glaze or a rich egg yolk wash and garnished with a single almond or pecan placed in the very center of the sweet, indeed a luxury at the time. The shapes cut out by the ancient cookie cutters that had been passed down through the family, came in the shapes of chickens, ducks, stars, hearts and circles.

Time passes.

During my childhood, the tradition changed somewhat but yet remained the same. Due to their popularity among our family and closest friends, one batch was not ever enough to satisfy demand and hence evolved into nine gargantuan batches of cookies. My mother spent long days making them to give as “heart” gifts to those we loved. Now the egg wash was not only garnished by nuts but by pearl sugar, infusing each bite with an extra measure of sweetness. Not only were the cookies graced with the delicate lemon glaze but now some had raspberry preserves gently sandwiched between two thin cookies and were sprinkled with a dusting of powdered sugar. The cookie cutters now included bells. The baking now began during the first week of December and was tackled during the daytime when we as children could watch and pinch pieces of cookie dough off when we thought mom wasn’t aware, but came to find out later, she knew.

Dough pinching. My favorite baking activity. I thought I was so clever, sneaking into the fridge at night to eat the cookie dough, my favorite, beating chocolate chip cookie dough any day of the week (in my humble opinion). The dough would take an entire day of it’s own to assemble, mixing the cold hard mass by hand, and would be put in the refrigerator to keep it’s chill until baking time, usually a day or two later. I would carefully unwrap a round of dough, pinch off a portion, smooth over what I thought was much remaining, and rewrap the goodie. By the time I was finished or sick whichever came first, it was plain for my mom to see, there was significantly less dough. She never said anything, though. It was our unspoken secret.

Time passes.

Now I make weihnachtsgeback for my family and friends. It is every bit as popular today as it was years ago. Some traditions remain yet change. My mom and I usually make seven batches, the first or second week of December, during the day. Now the cookie cutter collection includes leaves, a very large angel, wreaths, trees, and frogs, yes, frogs, in addition to the time cherished and worn, stars, chickens, ducks, circles, stars and bells. The toppings remain the same, for some things cannot be improved upon without sacrificing the nature of the cookie and that is indeed sacred to us. I prefer for the finished cookie to be a bit thicker and pale in color, my mom prefers them to be thin and a toasty-looking tan. Making these cookies is an art and took me, a good cook, years of practice to master. And believe you me, thicker and pale is the way to go!

The most beautiful, meaningful change occurred when my mom came to live with me eleven years ago, we now make the cookies together, as mother and daughter. Sometimes we have even been able to include my sisters who do not live local to us. Our ultimate dream would be to have my mom, myself, my two sisters who make these cookies also, my niece and great-niece all come together to make these family heirlooms, although we may have to rent a large kitchen to do it! It has now become a family activity, a treasured one we look forward to each year. Although we grumble about the mess, the hard work of mixing the dough (which my mom has succumbed to letting the kitchen aid mixer do the work since her hands are now arthritic), the hours spent on our feet, about whether thicker and pale is best or thin and darker, and how my angels always break because they are too big, each year the experience is priceless. For the record, now I eat all the dough I want not caring if my mom knows or not, still snitching from the fridge for old times sake to see if she notices! And yes, for the record, I still usually get a belly ache by the time we are finished.

The dough disappears, but what remains is the laughter, the being covered in flour, the beautiful results after two days of baking and the memories we create each blessed year that will carry on and sustain us in the generations to come, passing this touching, special, culinary legacy down to our children’s children. I have boys but hope someday my eldest, who enjoys his familial history and traditions, at least will show an interest in this great generational tradition or maybe his beloved will. In any event, my nieces will carry on.

The same but different. The shapes are the same but different, the timing is close to the same but different, we gobble instead of savoring the holiday treasures, the environment in which they are made has expanded, but the recipe remains the same.

Oh! I almost forgot! The secret ingredients! The flour may no longer come from my great-great grandmother’s mill but the secret ingredients that flavor the cookies with a special edible fragrance, remains the same: love, family, and tradition. They may be intangible ingredients but they flavor the pastry with a delicate but definable flavor that cannot be replaced with anything you may purchase at the grocery. And now, with the addition of the family creating these morsels of love together, we add laughter.

Stop by. Taste and see.

Poems. Prayers. Promises.

As a young boy, the poems held the future as a rose. But what do young boys know of roses? He knows only of those poems that he is read, and to what child does a parent read a rhyme of anything other than sunshine and rainbows and truth? So, he believes in the reality of the fantasy.

But the fantasy is tarnished. The poems echo, hollow in his heart. Prayers are cried in haste, trying to recall the fantasy. Because promises lay in waste at his feet as he stands, waiting, at the screen door, praying the promises he’s been given will come true. That he will be met, at the door. Pleading for something he doesn’t even quite understand but knows he wants, he needs. The evening rings empty as another promise lies broken at his feet. Another prayer is unanswered. Another poem is a lie.

Careful to avoid being hurt by the broken pieces, he steps around them, thinking he is not touched by the jagged shards, but they embed in his shoes. Following him, wherever he steps, though time.

The little boy, now a man, stands at the screen door. Remembering the lie of the poems of the past. Now is the time to write his own poem. A poem that paints the future as a rose. What does a man know of roses? He knows of the thorns, but the thorns have taught him how to handle a rose. He thinks he knows. But as he writes, his hands are pricked and he bleeds, staining his own poem of the future. And the jagged shards of promises past, make scars on the path he treads.

The little boy, now a man, doesn’t understand prayers for they have left him untouched with their non-existent answers. He feels the pain, the bitterness and the wanting. For what he is not sure. But he knows he wants. The pieces that go missing leave him searching. Yet he searches in vain. Afraid to pray, unwilling to pray, he searches . . . in vain.

The little boy, inside of the man, tries to write the poem. But without the prayers, the promises he makes fall in pieces around his feet as he stands at the screen door. His promises are carried away like chaff on the threshing floor in the presence of the wind. He tries to be different, oh how he tries. But until the little boy inside of the man, is let go to heal, and grow, there will be no change. He has kept it all these years. He has kept his pain, as fresh after all this time as a new fallen snow.

The acceptance of the imperfections of the old poems, of the answers to prayers not seen but indeed present, of the promises broken not in malice but in self-absorption, will lead to the little boy inside becoming a man of his own promises. Forgiveness is not condoning the wrong, or righting the past. Forgiveness is robbing the wrong of the ability to hurt life, to mar the future, cleansing the poison that eats away at who we are. It is the healing of the wound from the inside to the outside. Forgiveness presents the gift of clarity, of sight. Forgiveness of the past is the key to the future as a rose.

The man, stands at the screen door. The key cradled in his hand. Poems in his heart. Promises on his lips. Emptiness at his feet. And the future before him, as a rose.

If You Can't Smell Autumn In The Air Yet, Bake These

I love the pumpkin scones I get at Starbucks to go with my tall Earl Grey tea with plenty of cream. Yum! But I cannot always afford to feed that habit. Well, I found a pretty good recipe that comes very close to what I can get at the store with the green sign. Try them, you'll love them! I've included a photo of how mine turned out.

Scones

2 cups flour

7 T. sugar

1 T. baking powder

1/2 t. salt

1/2 t. cinnamon

1/2 t. nutmeg

1/4 t. ground cloves

1/4 t. ginger

6 T. cold butter

1/2 cup canned pumpkin

3 T. half and half

1 large egg

Powdered Sugar Glaze

1 cup powdered sugar

1T. powdered sugar

2 T. whole milk

Spiced Glaze

1 cup powdered sugar

3 T. powdered sugar

2 T. whole milk

1/4 t. cinnamon

1/8 t. nutmeg

1 pinch ginger

1 pinch ground cloves

TO MAKE THE SCONES:

Preheat oven to 425 degrees F. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper.

Combine flour, sugar, baking powder, salt, and spices in a large bowl. Using a pastry knife, fork, or food processor, cut butter into the dry ingredients until mixture is crumbly and no chunks of butter are obvious. Set aside.

In a separate bowl, whisk together pumpkin, half and half, and egg. Fold wet ingredients into dry ingredients. Form the dough into a ball. Pat out dough onto a lightly floured surface and form it into a 1-inch thick rectangle (about 9 inches long and 3 inches wide). Use a large knife or a pizza cutter to slice the dough twice through the width, making three equal portions. Cut those three slices diagonally so that you have 6 triangular slices of dough. Place on prepared baking sheet. Bake for 14-16 minutes. Scones should begin to turn light brown. Place on wire rack to cool.

TO MAKE THE PLAIN GLAZE:

Mix the powdered sugar and 2 tbsp milk together until smooth. When scones are cool, use a brush to paint plain glaze over the top of each scone.

AS THAT WHITE GLAZE FIRMS UP, MAKE THE SPICED ICING:.

Combine the ingredient for the spiced icing together. Drizzle this thicker icing over each scone and allow the icing to dry before serving (at least 1 hour). A squirt bottle works great for this, or you can drizzle with a whisk.