Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Not Quite the State of the Union. . . but a State of My Life

Where do I start? The photo to the left could very well be one of my beginnings. It was a significant milepost in my life. You might say, this is a reflection of the last several months, somewhat of a "State of My Life".

I've been doing much thinking of late. You know, about my life and all?

About new beginnings. (Does that mean I have old endings? If I've started over, does that mean I ended under?)

I've realized that there are no do-overs but there are indeed start-overs. That I can begin anew (after I've ended a-old?). That nothing ever goes as planned but then who ever said it would or that it should?

Now, for an Oscar moment.

Beginnings. I'm thankful for them. I'd like to thank my parents for my very first beginning, for without them, I'd not be here today to begin again. There are many of influence who have been a part of each journey around the sun, who without, I'd not be here today. Literally.
Endings. I'd like to thank those along the way who were responsible for the many endings in my life, for without them, I'd not have had the strength, the courage, the inspiration or the need to start over. Many life lessons were learned along the way, making me the woman you see here before you today. Frankly, I like her and am thrilled to get to know her, continuing to make her acquaintance each and every dawn.
Other than the love of family and some friends, there is virtually nothing that remains the same in my story from last year's chapter to the new one being written. Not my job (figuring that out), not my marriage (it's no longer), not my home (it's a small apartment), not who lives with me (I am now totally alone without parents or kids or spouse), not the technology I am used to (learning Mac), not the part of the country in which I reside (now CO), not my finances (very poor but hey I'm not starving), not the weather (way colder here), not what I own (not much besides my car, wait the bank shares it with me), nor even who I am (which I might mention is indeed, the BEST part!). Yes, it is unnerving and extraordinarily sad many, many times and I remain cynical, quite hard actually, not able to open up fully to anyone. But you know what? This new chapter is also exciting! Challenging! An adventure! I can only be a BETTER woman because of it. Right?! Yes! You'd better believe it. Because I know it. I'm living it.

I am loving my life, as uncertain as it is at the moment.

What I do know with absolute certainty, is that I am okay, I WILL be okay. That I am loved.

None of which would be possible without the love and encouragement of many. The Many, who have joined me on life's journey from ALL walks of life, have entered through varied portals. Yes, portals even such as Twitter, MySpace and Facebook :-) Someday, I may tell you stories of the parts each have played in my life. I am defined by numerous things, not simply any ONE.

And I am rich. My life exhibits a richness, woven with the unique threads brought into my life by those who I've met not only early in my life but also those who have graced my life with their presence in the recent past. For now, suffice it to say: I am blessed by each one of you. I would not trade you for all the tea in China or all the coffee at Starbucks. I love you. I am here because of you. I THRIVE because of you.

I am finished with merely surviving. Watch me. I am on . . . my . . . way!

Thank you!

Now, I would like to thank my loyal agent, my adoring and faithful fans and my hard-working publicist . . .


Aunt Debbi/kurts mom said...

You made me smile.

Anonymous said...

We are alike more than you know. I admire you and your courage. I really enjoyed your post!! I too have macs so if you run into trouble give me a holler! We survivors gotta stick together! I hope your holidays are extra merry and bright!!!

Chloe said...

We are alike more than you know. I admire you and your courage. I really enjoyed your post!! I too have macs so if you run into trouble give me a holler! We survivors gotta stick together! I hope your holidays are extra merry and bright!!!

Laura Livengood Schaub said...

Brava, my friend. Reinvention is painful, exhilarating, and what we all must do, to varying degrees, throughout our lives. And, as you point out, there come those major milestone moments, those forks in the road....

The Untold Want
By Life and Land Ne'er Granted
Now, Voyager
Sail Thou Forth to Seek and Find

Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass

Jim said...

As one who is not there yet, I wish you the best in your journey. I admire those who begin again and take it in the best light possible. I will look forward to seeing how your journey progresses and will keep a good thought for you.

The Personal Garden Coach said...

You are rich beyond your wildest dreams! Because you have done what many fear to do. And that is to change your life and your attitude about each and every aspect of it. YOU are in control of more of your life than many walking the earth.
THAT is true wealth my friend. Revel in it as pay it forward!

Garden Chick said...

I am a firm believer (sometimes?) in "what does not kill me will make me stronger." What choice do I have? I've let life get me down and that only made life worse. Now I use adversity to my advantage. Life is now better. But seriously, I could stand for life to be a bit easier once in a while . . . please? Maybe? Cut me some slack Up There? I am happier than I can ever remember being though!